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final notions
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Apr. 8th, 2008 | 12:25 am
what does it mean, really, to burn oneself out?
to be so consumed by one thing, and for everything else to lose meaning, colour
--
last night i had a bad dream, and like most dreams it was fragmented, inexplicable, absurd. it was of my father dying. i knew he was dying because of the way he had that same kind of tired-sadness in his eyes. i don't remember why but his body was severed as his illness grew worse and worse, until all that was left was his head. people around me were frightened of him as his body became more and more mutilated, and asked me why i wasn't scared. i said i could never be, he was my father and i could never be scared of him.
somehow all my dreams of my father are somewhat disconcerting, somewhat perplexing, always painful. most have to do with him dying. i guess in some sense the nature of death is such that this feeling of the unknown and of fear is unshakable. i miss him terribly.
to be so consumed by one thing, and for everything else to lose meaning, colour
--
last night i had a bad dream, and like most dreams it was fragmented, inexplicable, absurd. it was of my father dying. i knew he was dying because of the way he had that same kind of tired-sadness in his eyes. i don't remember why but his body was severed as his illness grew worse and worse, until all that was left was his head. people around me were frightened of him as his body became more and more mutilated, and asked me why i wasn't scared. i said i could never be, he was my father and i could never be scared of him.
somehow all my dreams of my father are somewhat disconcerting, somewhat perplexing, always painful. most have to do with him dying. i guess in some sense the nature of death is such that this feeling of the unknown and of fear is unshakable. i miss him terribly.